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It's good to notice your feelings when you go back to work after a break. Even if it's just to tip your head in those feelings general direction acknowledging their existence and impact on your life.

It's been an interesting break that was forcibly started a week earlier with Freya needing to be in hospital for a few days just before Christmas. Then Christmas and that week before new years which just seems to fly by in a bundle of family visits and some fun with friends.

My feelings coming back to work? Weirdly excited and slightly panicked.

I honestly feel lucky that I get to help change the world both directly and otherwise through my work. I'm hopeful about how I and my business will grow this year.

I feel slightly frantic with starting the year behind on so many things but it'll be ok.

Right now is the time to enjoy the excitement and gratitude and to dream some great stuff. Then work like a squirrel.

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Advent comes from the latin word meaning "coming"

It's often used as a time to think about waiting, traditionally  both the coming of Jesus the 1st time and also the coming 2nd time.

In many ways I feel like I've just come out of a long period of waiting, hoping, praying, working hard and preparing, and I feel like many things arrived and there is now a period of getting to know the arrived.

It feels like a period of discovering new routines, getting used what is, rather than seeking out wildly new plans.

This year has been well pretty huge, with lots of new.

New adventures, new depth of relationships, a new baby, new schemes, explorations, businesses, buildings, friendships, knowledge, self-discoveries, charities, projects, house, office and I even have a new label.

So maybe this advent I will ponder what is.

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...To a little girl called Freya Roxanna.

It happened 5 weeks ago on the 29th October and she is officially cute.

It's exciting to ponder the reality of it vs anticipation over the last year.

When preparing to have a baby there are so many unique stories to listen to, read, watch (yep, lots of births on YouTube) that I came to one solid conclusion. Our's will be unique.

"Our's" meaning the pregnancy, the birth, the baby and our reactions.

Being part of the Transition movement and being used to the rules of "Open Space" I nicked on of those rules to be part of my metrics of how things were going.

The rule: "What ever happens was meant to happen"*

What happened happened. I'm not going to write the birth up, but I must say I'm really proud of A. In the words of a friend "I contributed a cell", but A did everything else and Freya is incredible, beautiful, and a new dawn for us.  Hopefully we will bring her up to be a noble lady.

A couple of thoughts.

• It's pretty amazing that the human race continues. Giving birth is complicated and painful. Hormones are kinda vital.
• From a Dad's point of view having a baby is not the most tiring thing I've ever done, so far, but it is up there.
• A baby crying at 2.30am hurts.

*this does not accurately sum up my life philosophy.

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This evening My housemate Jane asked if any of us had noticed an old lady on the bench across the road in a park.

We hadn't.

Apparently the lady had been there all day and had been acting strangely. Neither of which is that weird for
Our park. But now it was getting late and Jane was getting worried.

We went to say hi, but she was very agitated and nervous. She didn't reply or make any eye contact, she just shuffled down the bench and made some kicking motions.

It was heart breaking. Coming back inside we called the police who, after a quick description, said they would send someone to ask how she was.

We took over a cup of tea to the lady and as we were walking back the police arrived. They had received a missing persons statement from an old persons home and were hopefully it was her.
It was.

Police: hi Nina, shall we talk you home?
Nina: yes.

It was that simple. The poor old lady was lost and confused and was waiting for help.

The most loving thing that needed to happen was for someone to notice.

I think that stands true everywhere.

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It's not just the impressive whooses of steam, or the dirtiness of the crew who shovel is spades full of coal. It's not just that the engines are huge and beautiful, or that the carriages have character, or the sound of the trains as it moves away from the platform, or the gave full of ash as you stick your head out of the window. I love all those things, but there are some things much deeper.

I love watching and enjoying a group of people doing their passions with such energy and care.

Most of englands steam lines are run by a mixture of volunteers and a few paid staff. People take holidays to work on these lines. To work together in old workshops, rebuilding engines, carriages, lamps, signals use old techniques. People dress up in the old uniforms and serve on the lines with real old fashioned manners.

If you want to experiences people's capacity for  love, passion and pride in their work, go visit a steam train line.

Steam trains also take me back to parts of my childhood, of sneaking down on to the line just before the platform and placing an old penny or ten pence piece on the line and then searching for it after the train had passed. There's nothing quite like a flattened coin mixed with a little daring and naughtiness.

Also as an added bonus they all seem to run on time...

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